Friday, October 9, 2015

What's all this "Shameless Parenting" crap? Just handle your shit.

Good grief, I was cursing through some blogs, just wondering what everyone else talks about, and I came across a couple about 'Shameless Parenting' or 'Guilt-free Parenting'. My reaction went from what the hell, to what the FUCK!! Are you really kidding me!! As a parent, I know you always question what your doing, but I never felt quilting about it. I knew I was screwing my kids up, at least a little, when I refused to do what "They" wanted me to do. Like dropping everything to drive them somewhere or expect them to clean they're room and behave like human-beings in stead of neanderthals just finding they're way out of the cave. Whatever demands or punishment I put upon them, in the long run they got over it. Mostly. Why mother's today go through life thinking they need to be this wonderful, above and beyond Mother Teresa mommy, really leaves me scratching my head. That is way too much work. They'd be a lot happier if they simply just didn't worry about it. The whole concept of guiltless parenting flies way over my gray head. It doesn't even stir a strand. To error is human. I guess those mom's didn't get that memo in they're DNA.
We are meant to screw up our kids. It's our jobs as parents. It the kids jobs, when they hit 18yrs old, to figure that out and go forth and make a life for themselves, mostly straightening out what we screwed up. What I'm seeing in kids today, with all too perfect mommies, is that all the perfection, scrambling to avoid all the horrible guilt and shame that comes with it, is creating a whole generation of really screwed up kids that feel entitled and are in general spoiled brats. Now there's something to feel guilty about. These are the kids, I'd like to trip as they run down the frozen food isle of the grocery store causing mayhem, as mommy tries to control them with her 'inside' voice. These are the teenage girls who tells her mom to 'Shut up' in the check-out because she's on her cell phone. I'd grab that cell phone and chuck it as if I was a world series pitcher ready to strike a pinch hitter out. It would be gone in seconds into the atmosphere of the store, only to be heard clinking as it makes contact with the floor, in the wine isle on the other side of the store. No, just scream at them as if you're howling across the Grand Canyon, while in the store. All the baby boomers would stand up and cheer you on. Seriously, we'd love to see it. It would validate how we raised you! Threaten to ground them for life, take away everything they have that they enjoy and move on in great happiness and pride, knowing you can handle this shit. When my kids miss-behaved in the store, and they did that, especially my boys, I left the basket in the middle of the isle grabbed them my the shirt collar and marched them out to the car. We'd then proceed home, and have peanut butter and jelly for dinner. If I had it. Did I scar them for life, by expecting them to behave like humans in the store or anywhere, I don't think so. They might argue that point. I guess I'll have to ask them. Mostly they laugh about it, and remind their kids, "Don't mess with Nana, she ain't nothing nice when she's mad."
My granddaughter is 13yrs old, and I honestly feel sorry for her when she gets into high school and college. They're won't be any good men for her. Only those spoiled brats who ran through the store out of control, now all grown up. It's a sad situation.
What this all leads to, is the kids knows mommy is feeling guilty or shameful for taking the bull by the reins and taking care of business. And don't think the little scamps aren't taking advantage of it. My daughter once threatened to call CPS on me, because I wasn't giving her what she wanted, which was a car. I really couldn't pull a rabbit out of my hat, but she wanted me to pull a car out of my ass. So I handed her the phone and said, "Don't do me any favors." She didn't call, didn't get the car, and I didn't feel guilty.
As parents we do the best we can. We work with what we have. Give the kids what they need, (and there is a big difference between what they need and what they want) and move on without guilt or shame. My mother use to say something that still makes perfect sense today, "Eighteen is the year of reason. Once they turn eighteen they're an adult. The only person they can reasonable blame for the mistakes they make, is themselves." Give kids a bit of common sense by not showing them all the 'guilt & shame', make them behave in the grocery store and all will turn out just fine, because you've got your shit handled. 

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