The diet that was, still is, failed, and is now back on track

If this is you, than welcome to the club of diet failures. It’s nice not to be alone. I started my odyssey a few weeks prior to RWA National. I knew I was starting late, but hoped I’d lose some weight, which I did and gained back. It wasn't the convention because honestly, it was easy staying on track, because the food was crappy. There were two luncheon meals with the same barely cooked chicken, switching it up with different veggies, and preparation. The hotel didn’t really have a large selection of food. So most of the time I found myself in Starbucks buying a salad or egg white wrap. I’m really sick of those now. I stayed in a condo with friends, but we only manage to cook one meal. We didn’t count on being exhausted and really not feeling like shopping for food and then cooking it. I didn’t feel like coming up with recipe to cook. I was on vacation. Why would I want to cook? I like to cook, but not necessarily on vacation at a convention. 

Me and a friend were so hungry one night we ate an entire store roasted chicken. We murdered that baby, leaving behind only cleanly picked bones.We were a pair of vultures after road kill. Oh, now that sounds nasty. But we were freak'n hungry.

I didn’t gain any weight at the conference. I was proud of those results although I was starving by the time I got home. One way to stay on diet, go to a hotel with bad to no food. The problem it does have a tendency to make me cranky. I so much was craving my favorite meal, a t-bone steak, mashed cauliflower and steamed viggies. Hubby had it waiting for me when I got home. 

But something else happened to toss me into a pit of over eating and eating junk food. Stress. 

Stress is a bigger diet killer than alcohol, at least in my case. I’m a stress eater. When stress hits my life, I don’t give a shit what goes in my mouth. Anything that passes in front of me in the form of food goes in my mouth. I pig out for comfort. I know this and seem to forget it when I’m going through the stress. My whole focus is on the situation causing the disruption in my mostly quiet life. Stressful situations hit suddenly and without abandon. It came into my life expected, but yet unexpected. My diet went to hell in a hand basket in a blink of an eye. I was stressed out…BIG TIME!! I ate too much, and drank wine. So I had to two diet killers in one.

For me, family is the biggest stress factor in my life. They make me crazy. I’ll run for a bag of potato chips telling myself, I can do this because I’m stressed out because something happened, and I’m owed. I just don't care. 

I owe it to myself to stay on track, but it rarely happens. It’s like being a drug addict, you can’t see past the moment. That’s exactly how I felt, that addicted high on food. Then I sprained my ankle. That didn’t help.

I’ve had a really long talk with myself about all this and my diet. I went to my hubs aunt and uncles 50^th wedding anniversary. My brother-in-law was showing us the pictures taken at the this giant family party, and wow, I saw my weight. In those moments I tried to convince myself that the camera adds five pounds. I had to ask myself if I like how I looked. No I didn’t.With or without the five pounds.

The stress that has entered in my life, I decided needed to be handled differently. Not with food. I’ve been battling my weight and yoyo dieting for five years. It’s time to give it up. It's time to succeed and follow my own advice.

I hate to diet. I hate diets, but I want my health back. I’d rather exercise than diet, but the reality of the situation, I’ve got to do both. So I’m back on the diet today. I fasted today, since I have to stay off my ankle, it was easy, to get my body ready to get back up on the bandwagon. I didn’t gain back all my weight, but most of it. It matters little, I’ve taken a step backwards and allowed stress to rule my life, throwing me off balance. I could handle my stress better if my health was better. I'd be mentally strong enough to turn away from my desired bag of chips or the glass of wine or two, or maybe three. If you add the two together in calories, we're talking around 800 calories. That's how I decided to get back on track, I added up my daily calories for a week. The diet train had definitely left the station.

Falling off the wagon happens. Now it’s time to move forward. The good thing, the doctor told me I could ride my bike and swim…I did the snoopy dance if only in my imagination.